bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
