I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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