There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
