He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
