I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
