I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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