Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
