i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I need to calm my uterus...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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