you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
