If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
