Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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