Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i dont even know how to be here
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
