um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
