pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize