Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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