Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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