had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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