Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
