For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
