Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
