Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
