im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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