i jhust puked up my retainher.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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