i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
