i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
