Got a toothbrush?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize