I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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