i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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