i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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