i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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