Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
