You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize