My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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