sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
