guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
