she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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