I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
