started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
