So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
