You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
