new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
