how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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