Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize