WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
