You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
