THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
