i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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