i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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