i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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