Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Are we still banned from the library?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
