Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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