It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Girls should come with a carfax report
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
