That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
