you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
