Yo dont text me then not text me
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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