Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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