I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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