Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
