I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
