New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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