I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
