I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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