i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
