My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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