pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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