hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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