you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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