i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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