in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
